What Are Your Emotional Needs?

Just as we need air to breathe and water to drink, we also have distinct emotional needs. If these needs are not met or are imbalanced, just as a lack of food would risk starvation, our health tends to suffer.

And yet, as obvious as this may seem, when it comes to our mental health, these needs can be overlooked, instead the focus all too often is on the resulting symptoms, anxiety, panic, depression – to name a few.

Thankfully, our universal emotional needs have been mapped out in the brilliant work of Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrell in Human Givens. Human Givens looks at the whole of someone’s situation in relation to their emotional health. Not doing so is a bit like trying to fix a car by removing parts of the engine is without checking it has fuel in the tank.

By understanding what it is you need, you’re far better placed to identify any unmet needs that may be compromising your health – and address them. This can include improving relationships, developing coping skills, setting boundaries, and improving self-esteem.  Our innate emotional needs are:

1.     Security: Feeling safe and secure in our physical and emotional environment is crucial to our wellbeing. This includes having a stable home, supportive relationships, and a sense of control over our lives.

2.     Attention: We all need attention and validation from others. This can come in the form of listening, affection, or recognition. Without positive attention, we can feel isolated and lonely.

3.     Sense of autonomy and control: Feeling in control of our lives and having autonomy over our decisions is vital for our wellbeing. When we feel powerless or trapped, it can lead to anxiety and depression.

4.     Emotional connection: Human beings are social creatures, and we need emotional connections with others to feel fulfilled. This includes both romantic and platonic relationships.

5.     Status: Feeling respected and valued by others is important to our self-esteem. This can come from our social status, accomplishments, or personal achievements.

6.     Privacy: We all need time and space to ourselves, where we can reflect and recharge. Without privacy, we can feel overwhelmed and stressed.

7.     Sense of purpose and meaning: Having a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives is essential to our wellbeing. This can come from our career, hobbies, or personal beliefs.

8.     Sense of achievement and progress: We all need to feel like we are making progress and achieving our goals. Without this sense of accomplishment, we can feel stuck and unmotivated.

These innate emotional needs are interconnected, and each one is essential to our mental health and wellbeing. When one or more of these needs are not being met, it can lead to emotional distress, mental health problems, and even physical health problems.

In conclusion, our innate emotional needs are critical to our mental health and overall wellbeing. By addressing these needs either individually or through therapy, individuals can find a more fulfilling and satisfying life.