The Safety of Sadness
Everyone of us has experienced sadness at some point in life, often when something we cared for is lost to us – a person, a pet, a part of our life, a part of ourselves.
Such events can easily move us off balance, cause a feeling of sadness and in more significant cases, a prolonged depression of mood and motivation. As painful as these periods can be, it is helpful to understand something of why our bodies react in this way.
Whilst everyone’s experience of sadness or depression is personal to them, the response we have to loss can be viewed as a protective mechanism, something we don’t choose to happen, it just does – like getting hungry, falling in love, feeling afraid and so on. By generating a suppressed or depressed state in response to loss, our body’s subconscious systems are creating space for us to re-evaluate and remap our world, without that which we have lost. Space for us to work out what our new reality will be like, and importantly, how we can function within it.
The pain we feel also has a purpose, perplexing as that may seem. Emotional pain sends as a strong message of ‘don’t let that happen again’. And whilst ‘not letting that happen’ is often outside our direct control, the pain can be viewed as the body’s way of urging us to take whatever steps we can to avoid a repeat occurrence, where it is possible to influence such things that is.
The problem many people encounter is that rather than using the temporary safe harbour of sadness or depression to recover, they find a comfort in the dependable continuity of feeling sad. A continuity that, for all its associated pain, becomes too familiar to let go of. Rather than being the transient, healing state it is designed for, it becomes a sanctuary, something the sufferer can depend on and go back to. And for people whose lives have been upturned by traumatic events, having something to depend on, even something inherently painful, has understandable appeal.
But like a ship that stays in the safety of harbour, as long as a person remains in that place, the breadth of what life has to offer is closed off and with it the ability to grow and move on. And the longer they remain there, the harder it often becomes to re-enter the stream of life.
This place of stuckness can be unbelievably painful for people, but with the right support, people can find their way out, they can rediscover and reengage with life and the fullness of what it has to offer - and what they have to offer it.
If you think you or someone you know would benefit from support in recovering from sadness, loss, or depression, you can book a free consultation call.
